If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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