We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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