If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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