I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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