if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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