That's when you crack a 10am beer
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
