dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
