i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
