I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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