Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
