i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
