Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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