I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
