I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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