There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
