Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
