this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
