I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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