I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Can vaginas get frostbite?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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