The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
