Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize