Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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