dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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