They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My penis needs a shock collar
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
