I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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