Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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