From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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