Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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