Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
