Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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