Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Two words: blizzard sex
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
