Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
