OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
