the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
