I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
