whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
