So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize