We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
