Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
