Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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