I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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