she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
