So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
