Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
