3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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