My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She needs sedatives and a leash
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
