u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
