He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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