Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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