Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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