if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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