I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
