1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think I am morally bankrupt
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
