This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
