I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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