Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
