I'm really into asian looking animals
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
