We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize