All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
