U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize