If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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