it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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