between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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