And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
