We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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