i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Naked Twister starts at high noon
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
